can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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