I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
