dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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