in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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