Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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