he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
