He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
