There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
