singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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