This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
