Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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