Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
