i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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