I faked an abortion last night.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
