i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I just got carded by a ten year old.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
How does it feel to date your dad?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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