she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize