My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
