maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
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Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
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Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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