I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
