If that was your dad, he is hot
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
