She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
