Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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