Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
