puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
