Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
