Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
