GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
