I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
