he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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