Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
So much Jack, so little girl.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
