We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
