apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
