So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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