He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
