its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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