You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
