I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Randomize