So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
