Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
