Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
a search helicopter?!
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
