but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
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