He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
