it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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