Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
