i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Boobs are out for the taking
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
