anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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