Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
