in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
my shit smells like andre
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
