Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
