He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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