We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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