I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
