Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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