my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
this is an emotional support booty call
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
