And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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