Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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