Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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