After last night, I could never be a politician.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
