If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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