just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
