Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
