Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
