White coat. Heels.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
