What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
