so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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