I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
