I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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