I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
