i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
