Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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