You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
