that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
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